Friday, October 06, 2006

Bill Conlin Is A No-Talent Hack

He is also a fat tub of shit, but I am trying to be restrained here. Right now I am trying to prevent myself from walking up Broad Street and beating him into early retirement with his own frigging typewriter.

Did anyone catch his column today?


First he goes through the nonsense about Abraham Nunez being a good enough player to put at third base every day. The numbers he cites are based on a platoon year in St. Louis. Yeah the guy plays the field better than Aramis Ramirez, but how many games a year is that winning you?


He attacks the corners in defense by talking about the Brooklyn Dodgers of the 50s. Hey Bill, the teams had 6 pitchers back then and guys smoked in the on-deck circle. The game has changed a bit in the intervening years.


He babbles on about some stat that a buddy of his dug up that the Phils' bullpen wasn't that good this year. Well no shit sherlock. When you take out Geary, Cormier, Smith and White (as he does) the rest of the guys are not real strong. Fortunately those guys did pitch here this year and we can go get them again.


Finally he closes by showing the petulant little crybaby he is. I'll quote to save you from having to click through.


"Finally, when retiring Jeff Cooper was hired to be trainer Don Seger's assistant in 1976,
I had been a Phillies beat writer 10 years. Cooper never said hello then, so I won't say goodbye."


WAAA WAAA WAAA. Let me translate this for you: "Back when I had only been stealing money for a decade, the cool new kid in the class didn't say hi to me in the lunch line. I am a big weenie and I am still holding a grudge 30 years later, so I will use my nifty column to blast a guy as he retires."


What a coward.


Maybe the fact that Jeff Cooper is hanging it up ought to give you some ideas. Maybe if you had saved a few dollars instead of spending it on, oh god knows what, you too could retire too Bill. Why didn't you take the buyout this summer, Bill? Afraid that you won't be able to chow down on the free buffet in the press room? Perhaps you realize that the day you write your last line that you will be forgotten in this town.


Some of won't forget how bad you have been.


C

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