My Grandpop died 12 years ago this month. I've written about him in the past and still look up to him as someone who always helped me when he could and was as encouraging to me as anyone has ever been. To say that I miss him, even all these years later does not begin to cover the feeling.
I recently realized that among the things I 'lost' in my divorce was the flag that my father gave me from my grand father's coffin. I'd like to have it back, but it seems unlikely at this point. I feel pretty guilty that it's gone now and have been upset that I let him and my family down by losing control of such an important touchstone to the past.
Last night I had a very vivid dream that Grandpop was still alive and I went to talk to him in his bedroom. That would have been very unusual, since I only went in his bedroom a few times over the years before he got very sick near the end. The dream was quite vivid and had a very lifelike quality to it. It was very early morning in the dream, dawn just touching the sky. There were Christmas presents in the house and his Norway spruce was decorated.
I went into his room and asked him how he was doing. 'Do you need anything?' I asked. He rolled over and looked at me and said tiredly but clearly, 'Nah. Let me sleep.'
Take it for what it's worth, but I think I will 'let him sleep' for a while.